Tag Archives: Spousal Abuse

When should you beat your wife? There’s an iPhone App for that!

by ‘Thomas the plumber’

The Apple iPhone is an amazing piece of technology. Anything you want to know, you’ve got it in your hand with just a few queries. Last month in the middle of installing a sink I found that the new (EU) standard connector wouldn’t marry up with the 70 year old pipes I was dealing with. (I hate renovations. Give me new construction anytime!) What to do? Easy! Within a couple of minutes I was off to the store for the exact parts I needed for the transition… thanks to iPhone and Google.

Google is one thing, but iPhone apps take being a plumber to a whole new level. With Plumber Pro, I manage all my jobs, my clients, issue hourly and parts invoices, send estimates and process credit cards for smaller jobs. All from my iPhone. At the end of the week I send the whole mess to my bookkeeper who is supposed to integrate it into the business accounting records.

Only one problem: lately my bookkeeper has been lazy and inattentive to her business duties, and to some of her other duties as well. She’s also my wife and I’ve just about had it with her.

Talking doesn’t seem to do any good and I’ve come close to hitting her on a few occasions. Believe me, it would give me pleasure.

What should I do about this?

The family business and my happiness as the head of our household are suffering. My wife is lazy and disobedient. She spends most of her time watching the telly. I swear if I come home one more time and find her watching Coronation Street I’ll put my foot through the screen. When it comes to bedtime she’s always tired. Never interested. I’ve just about had it.

Thanks to the Apple iPhone though, I now have a guide to when it is permissible and advisable to discipline and even beat my wife. This is not something I’m taking lightly, so I did my research and I’ve found an iPhone App that deals with this important question: When should you beat your wife?

The alQuran iPhone App is exactly what I was looking for! It has an excellent interface, over 100 translations in 30 different languages, easy scrolling, and a wonderful search capability. I searched for ‘discipline wife’ and immediately was taken to 4:34. That was exactly the advice I needed!

“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.”

I didn’t want to misinterpret this important Quran verse, so I looked up some esteemed Islamic scholars to read what they had to say. You can Google search it yourself and make up your own mind, but the scholars are in agreement with the Quran (how could they not be?). Dr. Ahmad Shafaat sums it up like this:

“However, to be effective in its purpose of shaking the wife out of her nasty mood it is important that it should provide an energetic demonstration of the anger, frustration and love of the husband. In other words, it should neither seriously hurt the wife nor reduce it to a set of meaningless motions devoid of emotions.”

So there you have it. Tonight I shall return home and discipline my wife so she will obey me as the Quran and the esteemed Islamic scholars teach. I won’t hit her at first, but if in three days she has not come around, I will obey the Quran. I think I’m going to enjoy this.

The iPhone Apps are truly wonderful!

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Filed under Barbados, Human Rights, Religion

Sex for promotion confirmed in Turks and Caicos Police Force

Barbados Police almost look good compared with T&C!

submitted by BFP reader “TCL”

I’ve read the criticism about the Barbados Police at BFP and on other blogs and in the media. The criticism is not undeserved and I agree that many faults in the police are systemic and the result of long term neglect and underfunding by the political class. Add to that underfunding the long standing subservience of the police management to whatever party is in power.

Management’s cowardliness killed police independence

Police are supposed to be independent agents of society who enforce the laws equally – without regard to class, race, religion etc. The Barbados Police management allowed that police independence to disappear like smoke in the wind. I blame nobody else except police management.

“Barbados Police management don’t have the courage to stand up to the politicians when there is political interference in their work. They have trained themselves, the politicians and the public to expect that all events requiring the police are processed politically on certain levels.”

A police officer encountering a situation to be dealt with should not have to process his or her decisions politically. It should be about the law and nothing else. Police should not have to think about whether the person in front of them is connected to government or influential people. The decision should be about the law. That is where our society is going wrong.

Everything that is wrong with our police was illustrated some years ago when the police would not enter a gated community for many days to answer the call for help from an abused wife because a security guard would not let them in past the gate. The security guard should have been in handcuffs and charged for interference with a police officer answering a victim’s call. (BFP please find the story and reference it here: Beat Your Wife In Barbados? You Are Protected From The Police If You Live In A Gated Community!)

There is a certain irony when I read on the TC Eye Now blog that the Turks and Caicos police Sex Offence Unit was recently in Barbados taking training on “Supporting Victims of Sexual Assaults”. I hope the Barbados Police learned something from that disgusting incident at the gated community and passed it on to the Turks and Caicos police.

The TC Eye Now blog is probably written by a T&C police officer or someone very close to the inner workings of that police force.

Speaking of the Turks and Caicos Islands Police, there are a series of police scandals happening that make the Barbados police look good. It was confirmed by the Deputy Commissioner of Police that female officers no longer have to sleep with management to get promoted!

Now that’s progress!

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Filed under Barbados, Corruption, Crime & Law, Police

Barbados Police slow to act upon threats to woman. We agree that’s newsworthy.

domestic-violence

Barbados Police should have a ‘zero tolerance’ policy when it comes to domestic violence and threats to women

Sylvester Henderson Dear went to a woman’s home and threatened to do her violence. The reaction of the Royal Barbados Police Force was to warn Dear that he shouldn’t threaten violence to the woman.

Then… they let him go.

Five days later Dear returned to the woman’s home and again threatened her. Only then was he arrested and charged by police.

Do we see a pattern here?

First let me say that the Nation newspaper article about this incident Threats land man time is limited in information and background. Maybe the officers had their doubts about the veracity of the victim’s story. Maybe they thought the man was being “set up” by the woman. The article doesn’t even say that this was a domestic situation. Maybe we’re wrong when we guess it might be a domestic situation. Maybe it was a business deal gone bad.

What we do know is that the victim reported the first threats to the police, who then found Dear and “warned him”. Now that Dear is in jail after a second threat, the prosecution is claiming that the first threat was valid.

And therein lies the problem. The first threat was valid but the police let the man go with a warning. They gave him a second chance.

How many women have been injured or murdered because police gave the man “a second chance”?

Many jurisdictions have adopted a “zero tolerance” to domestic violence that removes the ability of police officers to caution and release the person who is alleged to have made threats or used violence. Once a complaint is made the police must take a proper signed statement from the victim, and the police must then act upon that statement by bringing the accused before a court immediately. No longer are the police required to be “judges on the street” because it is not the business of police to be judge and jury.

The balance is that the victim reporting the threats must carry through with testimony in court. No withdrawal of charges is allowed and if the victim does not appear in court or recants (usually “her”) accusation, the victim goes to jail. While that sounds like a tough prescription for victims it is necessary to prevent (usually women) from falsely claiming threats or violence to gain advantage in divorce and child custody matters.

The police may not appreciate having their options limited by being forced to act in what they judge to be “borderline” situations, but after a period of adjustment the police, society and men and women will treat domestic violence with the seriousness it deserves. Doing violence or making threats of violence are serious matters – but so is making complaints of the same.

In this case the victim is lucky that the man didn’t return with a knife on his second chance. The police are lucky too.

At least the man was arrested on the second occasion. I guess that means we’re making progress if the police are no longer waiting outside gated communities for four days because a security guard wouldn’t let them in to answer a domestic violence call.

Further Reading

Beat Your Wife In Barbados? You Are Protected From The Police If You Live In A Gated Community!

Do We Need Signs Like This In Barbados?

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Filed under Barbados, Crime & Law, Human Rights, Police

Barbados Labour Party Senator Kerrie Symmonds: Guilty of Spousal Abuse Until Proven Innocent

You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth!

Kerrie Symmonds Wife AssaultDid BLP politician Kerrie Drurado Symmonds assault his wife, Andrea Nicole Symmonds and slash her auto’s interior?

Or, as some women do when they want to be rid of their man, did Mrs. Symmonds create or exaggerate incidents to achieve an advantage during court proceedings?

The truth may out in court… or, as often happens in Barbados, someone may pay money to make the truth go away.

But whatever happens, there’s nothing as interesting as a politician involved in a scandal!

Barbados Advocate: BLP Parliamentarian summoned to court

The Nation: Attorney to appear in court

Here’s some paperwork that no one else seems to have published…

Spousal-Assault

and more…

Barbados Assault

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Filed under Barbados, Crime & Law, Culture & Race Issues, Politics

Rihanna’s Career Will Crash and Burn If She Crawls Back To Abusive Chris Brown

The story of Chris Brown and Rihanna’s tainted love continues. Now that the on-again has couple returned to L.A. together, it was reported that the pair — rather than go to either of their L.A.-area homes — immediately checked into the posh surroundings of the Beverly Wilshire Beverly Hills hotel…

… from the Celeb111.com March 7, 2009 article Chris Brown & Rihanna Shack Up in Beverly Wilshire Hotel

I find this situation disturbing. None of Rhianna’s consultants, her record label, or her publicist, seemed to have sat her down and explained to her how the American people punish women who return to their abusers.

The American media can be brutal.

LAPD Launches Investigation Into Rihanna Photo Leak

Rihanna's Brand Will Suffer If She Attaches It To Chris Brown

First they will show sympathy for the attack. They will reach out to her and print supportive articles. Then, as it becomes clear she has reconciled with Chris Brown, they will systematically attack her, little by little, tabloid after tabloid, then more respectable magazines will run articles, and finally she will be forced to appear on 20/20, or some other respected news show. No matter what she does, no matter what she says, as long as she is involved with Chris Brown her brand will be compromised.

No American company will attach their brand to Chris Brown’s. His brand is destroyed. His days of endorsements have ended.

Rhianna’s brand is about to be destroyed because of her association with Chris Brown after his brutal actions. Companies will also be cautious about attaching their brand to hers.

Very soon, the media will dub these two the next Bobby Brown, and Whitney Houston. This is both humiliating and senseless.

Rhianna sold over 9.75 million digital tracks in 2008. No other artist achieved this success in the U.S. market. After such a significant achievement financially, her brand will suffer tremendously as special interest groups gear up to ring home the message that young girls should distance themselves from her brand.

After her achievement as the first Barbadian artist not only make it internationally but to dominate the American airways, at a time when digital sales are on the rise and CD sales are steadily declining, I am amazed by the lack of guidance in this young woman’s life.

Whitney Houston was extremely successful, her brand crossed over, the American people, the American press, adored her, they loved her, until Bobby Brown.

“None of Rhianna’s consultants, her record label, or her publicist, seemed to have sat her down and explained to her how the American people punish women who return to their abusers.”

Cher, and Tina Turner, both had abusive husbands, and they both had many challenges because of it. They both became more popular after they left their husbands.

Tina’s brand became a super brand and was celebrated on Oprah after the release of her movie. Tina is an American Icon.

Hilary Clinton was humiliated by her husband due to his actions with an intern in the White House. Hilary was never forgiven by the powerful U.S. women groups, in fact, to this day, many of them are still angry with her. The American people too, are still perplexed as to why she stayed with her husband.

These women were married, Rhianna is not married, and if she marries so as not to testify against Chris, her brand will sink even faster. She will lose all credibility.

Wanting the case to move forward quickly will not remove the images of her abused face from the minds of the American people. Rhianna needs to sit down with a celebrity historian, and see why some celebrities survive and why some tanked after major achievements around the globe. She also need to speak to someone who sincerely cares about her well being. I don’t think any of the individuals around her are real enough to care.

If there is anyone out there who knows this young woman and who cares deeply for her, I pray that you will speak to her from the heart. What she is doing returning to this man is not acceptable in America. I understand in other cultures it may be tolerated, but not here, not now, not ever.

BFP reader Wendy E. Johnson.

33 Comments

Filed under Barbados, Celebrities, Music, Rihanna

Savage Animal Chris Brown “Barrage Of Punches”, Choked Carotid Arteries, Bit Rihanna’s Fingers & Ear – Rihanna’s Blood Splattered Over Vehicle Interior

LA Police Search Warrant Public Document

LA Police Search Warrant Details Chris Brown's Horrific Attack on Robyn Rihanna Fenty

How Can Rihanna Go Back To This Vicious Animal?

Various news reports indicate that Rihanna and Chris Brown are “back together” in what knowledgable observers call a clear case of battered woman syndrome. Other reports say that Brown punched Rihanna in the eye on a previous occasion a year ago.

If Rihanna has gone back to Chris Brown, it will be two careers ruined because Rihanna will instantly lose the respect of millions of women who will now view her as weak and stupid.

Read the full story right from the Los Angeles Police search warrant about the case at The Smoking Gun

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Filed under Barbados, Rihanna

Rihanna and Slumdog Millionaire Child Actor: Both Abused, Can’t Break Free Of Abusers

LAPD Launches Investigation Into Rihanna Photo Leak

Chris Brown "Sorry"

“Never ever go back to that man. Once a man hit you it be over. Doan be foolish.”

… BFP’s Auntie Moses gives some advice for Rihanna

Rihanna Back With Chris Brown

Before the very public incident last February 8th where it is alleged that Chris Brown battered Rihanna, there were rumours on a few occasions about Rihanna sporting bruises and then expensive gifts later on.

We hoped that we were not seeing the same pattern of abuse in their relationship that we’ve all seen at one time or another with some couples. When Rihanna’s bruised face appeared on the internet many of our readers commented with their advice and hope that Rihanna would not go back to her abuser.

Rihanna has done just that: run back to the arms of the bully who beat and bit her.

I don’t care if Rihanna started the whole thing. I don’t care if she slapped or hit Brown first. I don’t care if she was going hyper because Brown received a text message from another woman.

A man must not hit a woman. Period.

But like so many women who think that some violence in a relationship is “normal”, Rihanna has returned for more abuse. He’s “sorry”, she’s “sorry”…

… until the next time.

Slumdog Millionaire Child Actor Beaten By Father – Didn’t Want To Be Shown Off

Not A Movie Scene - Child Actor Beaten By Father

Not A Movie Scene - Child Actor Beaten By Father

As usual most of the BFP crowd watched the Oscars on the satellite. I don’t know why, but this one annual event has turned into a big get-together where the girls comment on the dresses and the guys mock the celebrities who have gone to the plastic surgery clinic a few more times than they should have. (Oh those lips! LOL)

This year the attention was focused upon the big winner Slumdog Millionaire that won eight Academy Awards including Best Picture. We knew nothing of the film before the Oscars, but as we watched the clips and saw the children from the slum who had been flown over from India we talked about what would happen to them now.

Now that the ceremony is over. Now that the awards have been won and the money is rolling in. Now that their major usefulness is over.

It didn’t take long. Poor little Azharuddin went back to his home in the Mumbai Dharavi slum – exhausted from Hollywood and the flight back to India. He didn’t want to be shown off to reporters so his father beat him, the photographers photographed it and got a better story than they had hoped for. In North America or maybe even Barbados, the child welfare authorities would have been around just as soon as they saw the photos, but in Mumbai people will merely say that the child is lucky he isn’t a real slave (of which there are tens of thousands in Mumbai alone).

As for Azharuddin, he will continue to live in the slum with his abusive father who has tuberculosis. Like Chris Brown, the father made an apology and an excuse of sorts, saying “I was very sorry I did what I did… I was confused and stressed by my son’s homecoming and I did not know myself for a minute. I love my boy and I am very happy to have him home.”

People Don’t Have To Stay In Abusive Relationships

Most of us can think of a few abusive relationships we’ve seen in our neighbourhoods or workplaces. Many of us have been there ourselves. I can only hope that the very public nature of the abuse we’ve seen will cause some folks to realise that people don’t have to stay in these relationships. They don’t have to take it. Think about that the next time that you see a similar pattern developing with a friend or in the family. That is the only good that can come out of what has been shown in public with Rihanna and little Azharuddin.

Further Reading

People Magazine: Rihanna and Chris Brown Are Back Together

The Sun: Scumdad Millionaire

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Filed under Barbados, Celebrities, Ethics, Rihanna