by Peter Binose
Some people lie to get attention. Some lie because they are mentally ill, some lie for narcissistic reason. Some lie because they are pure evil. Others lie to make others think that they are worthy, while some lie to mislead, confuse and deceive. Another group lies to avoid the expected punishment.
I believe that several of our Caribbean leaders are serial liars, and they lie for all the above reasons.
Those who speak lies often write lies and should not be trusted in law courts to give truthful evidence. They should not be trusted to draw wills, contracts or agreements of any kind. In fact their profession should never be in a position of trust.
This might sound strange but in fact a large percentage of people that lie, they lie initially to themselves, even believe the lies just because they are too afraid to face the truth.
Many psychological researchers have proven that people who lie to themselves tend to believe the lies later on, and then convince others that the lie is the truth.
In order to stop lying to yourself you must first realize that you are lying to yourself, then you must learn how to be brave enough to face the truth instead of hiding it from yourself.
You will note in my very first sentence I referred to narcissism. Well just so as we understand a little better the link between narcissism and being a liar, I will try and lay out for you how to identify a narcissist. Of course not every liar is a narcissist, but every narcissist is a liar.
Narcissism is a personality disorder in which the person falls in love with himself. The narcissist has an inflated sense of self worth. He needs to convince himself and others that he is better than most, if not everyone else, that he is a superior person and that he is invulnerable. If someone you know is a narcissist you can easily identify him by his continuous talk about his marvelous achievements, or his outstanding intelligence. How he speaks for others, and trusts no one to speak for him.
I believe most narcissists become so as children. Information from my clinical friend, told me there is prominence among children born out of wedlock to become narcissistic. When a child is abused or when he experiences some kind of a trauma his mind tries to find a method to help him forget about his wounds and to prevent this abuse from happening again, and as a method of defence, narcissism is developed.
Feeling that he is weak, insecure and vulnerable he escapes to a new identity, an identity of a superior person who can’t be harmed. This is the story of most narcissists – a deep sense of inferiority that is masked by what appears to be a solid shell.
The following are the common symptoms…
The Narcissist Liar: The narcissist often has the deeply hidden feeling that he is weak, insecure and vulnerable, so through his lies he escapes to a new identity, an identity of a superior person who cant be harmed. This is the story of most narcissists, a deep sense of inferiority that is masked by a solid shell.
Striving for Attention: Narcissists Fuel their self confidence by the complements they receive, by being in the centre of attention and by knowing that people are talking about their superior talents. Without these sources of supply [called the narcissistic supply sources] the narcissist feels worthless, and often is worthless, and may even become depressed.
Exaggerating their Worth: Narcissists think that they are omnipotent, invincible and superior. Often by telling lies and exaggerating they constantly try to transfer this belief to those surrounding them in order to get their reward which is the narcissistic supply. The narcissist always talks about how good he is and how brilliant he is compared to others.
Pretense in the Media: Several narcissists leaders have been known to write articles in the public media, using false names and identities – articles and letters which falsely show them as shining stars of political and public life. When others fail to praise them, they praise themselves by using this method of public deceit.
Lacking Empathy: I hate to overstate my beliefs, but most narcissists care only about their own feelings. By telling lies they can take advantage of others or use them just to secure a source of narcissistic supply. They only care about their own emotions and they lack empathy when it comes to dealing with others. Although such lack of empathy is sometimes hidden by a demonstration of extreme empathy, albeit false.
Obsessed With Fantasies of Unlimited Success: The Narcissist’s mind is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, superiority, ultimate achievements, tremendous strength and everlasting fame, often all are self generated and self believed lies.
A Demon at Home: Narcissists often like to publicly hug-up [fondly embrace] people to convince those watching he is a nice loving guy, yet at home he is most often a bully and a demon.
Calling of Names: Narcissists often resort to calling other people nasty names in the hope that others will see them as inferior to himself. The descriptions that he applies to people are of course untrue, they are more than often spiteful and malicious and damaging lies.
Expects Others to Glorify him: The narcissist considers himself above the law and he expects others to deal with him according to his exaggerated valuation of his self worth. He expects others to lie favourably about him.
Why should we think the narcissist wants to be feared? Why would he think that by administering fear, spite, hate and pure evil, we will see him as strong? Why should we think he wants to be ultimately strong? Why should we think he wants to have tremendous achievements?
The answer is because he is afraid, because he is very weak and because he thinks that he is worthless, and probably rightly so.
It’s a game of compensation, people always strive to get what they lack. If they are after ultimate power then they are dramatically weak and if they are after excessive admiration then they are feeling worthless. If they are seeking the love of the people, they do not deserve it.
The narcissist liar should be rejected by all, as a leader, or in a leadership position he is a definite threat to society at large.