Having a little problem with the wife not getting cuddly when you want to?
A vacation in the Maldives might be just the thing for your ailing marriage!
A Message from the Tourism Bureau of The Maldives
We’re The Maldives – your ultimate tropical paradise vacation destination. 1,192 tiny coral islands known for their peaceful and exquisite ‘back to nature’ environment.
Swim in our warm azure waters. Walk on pure crystalline white sands as leaning palms provide shade and beauty. Relax in a tranquil setting on any one of our pristine out islands where the Islamic riots don’t usually happen. And, if we ever open our museum again, you can see the finest headless statues in the world. Such art!
Maldivian President Abdulla Yameen has refused to ratify a bill that seeks to partially criminalize marital rape, calling it “un-Islamic.”
The parliament voted 67-2 last month to limit a husband’s right to have non-consensual sex with his wife. The bill says a husband cannot force his wife to have sex if the couple have filed for divorce, dissolution or mutual separation, and if the intent is to transmit a sexual disease.
President Yameen refused to ratify that law because it is “un-Islamic.”
Go swimming – you don’t really need a Maldives massage anyway. That’s why we shut down hundreds of resort spas.
No need to bring your Bible or rosary – why not just enjoy a week or two without your filthy Christian religion?
Celebrate our patriarchal Islamic culture where the most beautiful women are property to be married off so long as they have attained the ripe old age of nine.
And later when the day is done and you are a man feeling a little out of sorts, or needing some comfort from your wife: don’t be afraid to assert what is your lawful right over your own property.
It’s a man’s world here in The Maldives – and the women had better not forget that if they know what’s good for them.
Sometimes women need to be disciplined. That’s why our President Abdulla Yameen just vetoed a bill that limited a husband’s right to non-consensual sex. “Non-consensual sex” is so much better than the word “rape”, don’t you think?
With the elimination of the law protecting a wife from forced sex, (even if the husband has venereal disease), the future is assured: The Maldives will remain a man’s world.
The Maldives: your ultimate vacation awaits!
And don’t forget… if you want to renew your marriage vows, The Maldives is the ideal place for your special ceremony. Maldivians will do their utmost to ensure you take home infidel memories you can’t find anywhere else – except for Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia or Indonesia.