A Barbados politician arrived in Heaven…

UPDATED: July 22, 2012

In honour of the Jersey politicians about to visit Barbados to consult with and take advice from Bajan politicians (Yeah. No kidding!), Barbados Free Press revisits this wonderful tale of a Bajan politician choosing between Heaven and Hell…

Original story first published August 30, 2011…

‘Integrity Legislation? That’s a good one!’ laughs the devil as he slaps his knee and pours the drinks…

While staggering down the side of the road one afternoon near Grape Hall, a well known Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a garbage truck and dies.

After a short stop in Bridgetown to pick up a cheap bottle of E.S.A.F. rum, his soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a BLP or DLP politician around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’

‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the former Member of Parliament.

‘Well, I’d like to,’ says St. Peter, ‘but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’

‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the MP.

‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’

Visiting Hell

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of an exact copy of the Green Monkey golf course at Sandy Lane! In the distance is the clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his dead friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and nicely dressed. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people and running consulting fees through Switzerland and Miami.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne just like the old days! They laugh about promising Integrity Legislation and Freedom of Information and how the voters believed them every time!

‘Integrity Legislation? That’s a good one!’ laughs the devil as he slaps his knee and pours the drinks. The devil, who really is a very friendly and nice guy, has a good time with the crowd dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before the Member of Parliament realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises….

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’ says St. Peter.

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’

The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. It’s Mount Stinkaroo and it’s still burning!!!

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The air is putrid with the smell of decay. There is a single standpipe marked “Courtesy of your Barbados Water Authority”, but when he opens the tap only a single rusted drop lands in the dirt.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the MP. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was the Sandy Lane golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just Mount Stinkaroo and my friends look miserable.

What happened?’

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning…..

Today you voted.’

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18 Comments

Filed under Barbados, Freedom Of Information, Politics

18 responses to “A Barbados politician arrived in Heaven…

  1. Responder

    That one tight.

  2. rasta man

    Too true.If only they would take it to heart.

  3. 181

    Even Owen wud like it!

  4. Bajan

    lame joke stewpsss

  5. PrettyPolly

    That one is straight out of the top draw….love it

  6. Tell me Why

    That’s reality my friends. Politrics in action…talk and action ain’t the same. Love it!!!!!!!

  7. Rohan Frederick

    Really love that one BFP. that’s just the way they treat us poor unsuspecting idiots.

  8. Grabbler

    I must ask did John see the Holy City, and did they not have bread to buy vodka?
    My Lord was the Feast of the Passover well attended?
    Was the gatekeeper carrying a grabbler or a gun, any close circuit TVin that commune.?
    Who else went down to hell and who pay to save poor souls?

  9. marlo Ray

    if that is what happens over and over, then we are the idiots not the politicians.

  10. bajandave

    A story we should all take to heart when it comes to politicians and their many promises and lies.

  11. Moogie

    After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm, an associate was burning the midnight oil at his office. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a tower of smoke burst from the floor. Satan stepped out of the smoke, and addressed the lawyer:

    “I understand you’d give absolutely anything to make partner,” said the devil, “So I’ve come here to make you an offer. I’ll make you a partner, but in return I will take the souls of your wife, your parents, your children, your grandchildren, and all of your friends.”

    The lawyer looked strangely puzzled, and thought hard for several minutes. Finally, he turned to Satan and asked, “What’s the catch?”

    ****************

    After his death, the lawyer found himself with the devil in a room filled with clocks. Each clock turned at a different speed and was labeled with the name of a different occupation.

    After examining all the clocks, the lawyer turned to the devil and said, “I have two questions. First, why does each clock move at a different speed?”

    “They turn at the rate at which the members of that occupation collectively sin on earth,” replied the devil.

    “What’s your second question?”

    “Well,” said the lawyer. “I can’t seem to find my occupation. Where is the ‘lawyers’ clock?”

    The devil momentarily looked confused, and he started checking the clocks. “They should all be here,” he muttered, looking frantically, “It has to be here somewhere… Oh, there will be Hell to pay for this.”

    Suddenly, the devil relaxed, slapped himself on the forehead, and exclaimed, “Oh, yes! How silly of me. We keep that clock in the workshop and use it for a fan.”
    ************************************
    During the frontier days, travelers often found themselves seeking shelter from fearsome weather. Sometimes, there was no shelter to be found, and they would press forward, hoping to find refuge before they succumbed to the elements.

    On a stormy winter’s nights, a man staggered into an inn. The innkeeper helped the man to a table, and got him some hot food. “I’m terribly sorry that I can’t seat you next to the fire, sir, but court is in session and the lawyers are occupying that space.”

    As the man ate and warmed up, he thanked the inkeeper for his hospitality. One of the lawyers commented to the man, “Why stranger, by the looks of you, you traveled through hell and back in order to get here.”

    “That’s right,” said the man.

    “It is?” asked the lawyer. “Tell us then, how did you find things in hell?”

    “Just like here,” the man replied, “lawyers all closest to the fire.”
    ********************************************

    Q: What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?
    A: A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.

    *****************************

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech?
    A: After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.

    *********************************

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and God?
    A: God doesn’t think he’s a lawyer.

    *******************************

    : How does an attorney sleep?
    A: First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

    Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
    A: Only three. The rest are true stories.

    *************************

    Q: What’s the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?
    A: One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.

    ******************************

    Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
    A: The lawyer charges more.

    **************************

    Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
    A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

    Q: What can a goose do, a duck can’t, and a lawyer should?
    A: Stick his bill up his ass.

    ***************************

    Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
    A: If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.

  12. Irony

    The Devil and St Peter should be reported to the Fair Trading Commision for misleading advertising, maybe they might be repremanded for their misconduct.

  13. just want to know

    That’s a good one , I hope our former Prime Minister is having a good time with his friends in HELL.

  14. The Watcher!

    Tell this one to the current PM. Yesterday he spoke in this manner:
    “Get ready for the election battle of your life Owen, but you will not determine when I ring the bell”
    I guess he can ring it in Dec 2013 if he likes!

    “The person who called for the election is still living in cloud cuckoo land, he still believes that he can call an election,” he said.
    I guess that we’re all living there! Must be The Villages at Coverly!

    “I can’t promise him that he is going to get it back in the foreseeable future, if ever…”
    Are we to believe that you will? What mechanism do you plan to employ to do so? Will we need Election Observers after this election has passed?

    “Stuart said comments by Arthur and others were symptomatic of the silly season.”
    Really? That season opened when David died apparently. And it’s about to close the way things are looking now. May be another one coming, but this one looks like it is about to hit a brick wall!

    “We are obviously in a period when people are thinking elections and necessarily you will have around merchants of despair and purveyors of distress and despondency, but the Government views it quite differently,” he said.
    More big words alienating the average man.
    Try this instead: “We are obviously in a period when people are convinced that elections and necessarily to relieve of their command, the captain and crew of the Costos Concordia as it starts to sink into the sea of economic despair. You will have around merchants of truth and purveyors of apparent distress and despondency, but the Government views it quite differently as we’ve told both S&P and Moody’s that they don’t understand our illustrious “muppetry” and our education and big-word-calling pomposity will see us thru!”

    You NEVER connected with the ordinary man in this country. You alienated the others by your head-strong, “I am the leader and no one will tell me what to do” attitude. And now that you are called on to be a true patriot and relinquish command so that we, the nation can progress, you continue to show your disdain for our request. B or D won’t help at this stage. We need a LEADER to emerge from this forest of fools and securely hold the reigns of command, embrace the electorate, think outside of the 166 sq mile box, and move Barbados forward.

    “We are doing what we have to do, we have a secure foreign reserve cover, our fiscal deficit is coming down dramatically and we are managing the Barbados economy as best we can in the circumstances of the most difficult world in one hundred years.”

    OH REALLY! GIVE US A BREAK NOW!

  15. Tony Webster

    No joke, this is a true “lawyer” story. I’m in Sint Maarten’s Front Street visiting a dear friend, when he suddenly spied someone approaching, and said to me, “Tony I’ve got the introduce you to this guy- he’s the best lawyer here”. Not that I’m particularly enamoured of these professionals, I nevertheless felt obliged to be polite; was introduced to the Legal Beagle as “the one lawyer who has never lost a case”. So I dutifully showed respect, and complimented him fulsomely on such an outstanding record. He looked a bit sheepish, and then still made a slight clarification, saying “Well, that ‘s true; while I’ve always come out smiling, I do have a few dozen clients who have lost cases”. And for some un-fathomable reason, we all chuckled heartily, as he happily walked away, entering an adjoining bank.

  16. Sunshine Sunny Shine

    I just love my lil island. Porn-i-ticians, Lesb-ti-ians- Bull-i-ticians LOL and not saying nutten – ticians