UPDATED: July 22, 2012
In honour of the Jersey politicians about to visit Barbados to consult with and take advice from Bajan politicians (Yeah. No kidding!), Barbados Free Press revisits this wonderful tale of a Bajan politician choosing between Heaven and Hell…
Original story first published August 30, 2011…
‘Integrity Legislation? That’s a good one!’ laughs the devil as he slaps his knee and pours the drinks…
While staggering down the side of the road one afternoon near Grape Hall, a well known Member of Parliament is tragically hit by a garbage truck and dies.
After a short stop in Bridgetown to pick up a cheap bottle of E.S.A.F. rum, his soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a BLP or DLP politician around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’
‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the former Member of Parliament.
‘Well, I’d like to,’ says St. Peter, ‘but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’
‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the MP.
‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of an exact copy of the Green Monkey golf course at Sandy Lane! In the distance is the clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his dead friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and nicely dressed. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people and running consulting fees through Switzerland and Miami.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne just like the old days! They laugh about promising Integrity Legislation and Freedom of Information and how the voters believed them every time!
‘Integrity Legislation? That’s a good one!’ laughs the devil as he slaps his knee and pours the drinks. The devil, who really is a very friendly and nice guy, has a good time with the crowd dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before the Member of Parliament realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises….
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’ says St. Peter.
So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.
‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.’
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. It’s Mount Stinkaroo and it’s still burning!!!
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The air is putrid with the smell of decay. There is a single standpipe marked “Courtesy of your Barbados Water Authority”, but when he opens the tap only a single rusted drop lands in the dirt.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the MP. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was the Sandy Lane golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just Mount Stinkaroo and my friends look miserable.
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning…..
Today you voted.’