by ‘Thomas the plumber’
The Apple iPhone is an amazing piece of technology. Anything you want to know, you’ve got it in your hand with just a few queries. Last month in the middle of installing a sink I found that the new (EU) standard connector wouldn’t marry up with the 70 year old pipes I was dealing with. (I hate renovations. Give me new construction anytime!) What to do? Easy! Within a couple of minutes I was off to the store for the exact parts I needed for the transition… thanks to iPhone and Google.
Google is one thing, but iPhone apps take being a plumber to a whole new level. With Plumber Pro, I manage all my jobs, my clients, issue hourly and parts invoices, send estimates and process credit cards for smaller jobs. All from my iPhone. At the end of the week I send the whole mess to my bookkeeper who is supposed to integrate it into the business accounting records.
Only one problem: lately my bookkeeper has been lazy and inattentive to her business duties, and to some of her other duties as well. She’s also my wife and I’ve just about had it with her.
Talking doesn’t seem to do any good and I’ve come close to hitting her on a few occasions. Believe me, it would give me pleasure.
What should I do about this?
The family business and my happiness as the head of our household are suffering. My wife is lazy and disobedient. She spends most of her time watching the telly. I swear if I come home one more time and find her watching Coronation Street I’ll put my foot through the screen. When it comes to bedtime she’s always tired. Never interested. I’ve just about had it.
Thanks to the Apple iPhone though, I now have a guide to when it is permissible and advisable to discipline and even beat my wife. This is not something I’m taking lightly, so I did my research and I’ve found an iPhone App that deals with this important question: When should you beat your wife?
The alQuran iPhone App is exactly what I was looking for! It has an excellent interface, over 100 translations in 30 different languages, easy scrolling, and a wonderful search capability. I searched for ‘discipline wife’ and immediately was taken to 4:34. That was exactly the advice I needed!
“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [for maintenance] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard. But those [wives] from whom you fear arrogance – [first] advise them; [then if they persist], forsake them in bed; and [finally], strike them. But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them. Indeed, Allah is ever Exalted and Grand.”
I didn’t want to misinterpret this important Quran verse, so I looked up some esteemed Islamic scholars to read what they had to say. You can Google search it yourself and make up your own mind, but the scholars are in agreement with the Quran (how could they not be?). Dr. Ahmad Shafaat sums it up like this:
“However, to be effective in its purpose of shaking the wife out of her nasty mood it is important that it should provide an energetic demonstration of the anger, frustration and love of the husband. In other words, it should neither seriously hurt the wife nor reduce it to a set of meaningless motions devoid of emotions.”
So there you have it. Tonight I shall return home and discipline my wife so she will obey me as the Quran and the esteemed Islamic scholars teach. I won’t hit her at first, but if in three days she has not come around, I will obey the Quran. I think I’m going to enjoy this.
The iPhone Apps are truly wonderful!